your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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