i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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