I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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