i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
