the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
