The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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