Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
