Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
