i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
