it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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