Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
