Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
