Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
