This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
