what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
