So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
