Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
