i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
