haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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