I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
