I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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