mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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