She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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