My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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