The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
