Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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