Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
