My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
