you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
