dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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