Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
