I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
