His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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