I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
