I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
