im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
