Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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