Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
