YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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