There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A bitchslap is in order.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
