Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
