I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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