what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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