im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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