You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
