Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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