Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
