my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
