I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
