Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
