You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
