I hate all girls vehemently.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
