Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize