he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
