we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
