u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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