Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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