I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
