I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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