It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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