stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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