why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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