just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
