mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
