Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How's work?
Spinning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
