Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
