We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
