I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
