chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
