I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
