lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
