Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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